Depressed

You know, it's strange how life is sometimes. It's a roller coaster. There are ups and downs. And what's even more amazing is how fast those ups and downs come at you. After several weeks of mostly ups, I'll talk about those first, I hit the first little dip. And for me, it was a little tiny bump downwards, But that bump was followed by a succession of little dips in the ride. The beginning of this week was the culmination of the the little dips life threw at me, and all of a sudden it seemed like I was in an abyss. Where I still feel like I am, although I can see a small light showing a little uphill in the roller coaster.

Each little thing starting a week and a half ago brought me up. Friday, May 29th, I got to lead the music at Elder Richard G. Scott's YSA fireside at the ASU Institute building. So, of course, I was second to shake his hand. (I have proof! lol Apparently they turned off the camera to show some info and when they turned it back on, it showed me shaking his hand. ^_^) So YAY! happy thing! Then the next week we left on vacation, and i had a blast. Between the Grand Canyon, shopping, a trip up to the top of snowbowl, and horseback riding, I was on an emotional high. (Although, by the time it was about time for me to come home, my sisters and I were getting tired and were snipping at each other.) Saturday, I felt so glad to be home, Sunday I got to hold Grace in Relief Society, and everything was fine.

But, as we know, what goes up must come down. So then, the little dips downward started, and they got bigger and bigger. Monday after work, I just felt down. I thought it was because I was lonely because Alana was nannying and the rest of the family was out of town.

I found the perfect song for my feelings.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ND2-XCcwzt4

The most appropriate line is "I'm tired of staying at home. I'm bored and all alone. I'm sick of wasting all my time." <--- That's the story of my life.

Then yesterday, I felt like I had no friends. Which I've felt before, nothing new, I can deal with that. Then on top of that, Alana knew I was sad and still turned away from me to help her friend. I cried myself to sleep, feeling worthless, friendless, and hopeless. For a long time, I cried. And I'm still not over it. I feel like I have no friends that will talk to me. No friends that'll start a conversation with me. I thought friends were supposed to hang around and do fun stuff with you. I thought they were supposed to be able to help you up when you feel sad or down. Obviously, I don't have anyone I can call a friend. If I did, maybe they'd have heard my plea for company and helped before I stated it plainly.