New.... mantra....motto??? Whatever

So, things have been a big struggle lately as school starts back up. I don't really want to go back to school, which makes it hard to go. I don't want to go, because I want to stay home. And I want to start a family.

For almost a year now, I have been hoping and praying for starting a family. Since October of last year, to be exact. Now, we haven't been trying, so it shouldn't be that big of a deal.... except I'm like the last one of everyone I know that's married to even be expecting..... It really sucks, because I'm not even pregnant yet. Hence really emotional posts lately.

So, in an effort to be better at work. I created a new mantra or motto or phrase or whatever to.... help me out? I don't even know. I'm just so sick of feeling left out and alone, that I need to do something.


My random phrase to help me throughout this school year will be "Teach like you'll never get pregnant."


Now, that at first glance seems rather negative. And maybe it still is after you think about it. And maybe I'll hate it in half an hour. ("I'm so changeable!" - Moriarty, Sherlock)


 I don't know.

All I know is that last school year, my one hope was that I would get pregnant so that I didn't have to go back to teaching. Well, that came and went, and here's a whole new school year with all new people. I don't want my students to suffer like they did last year because I didn't care like I should have. So, I'm going to try to teach and care as if I'm going to teach the rest of my life and not have any of my own kids.


So while it is a negative thought,  I feel it's one I need to have in order to make a different aspect of my life more positive.

I can't keep hoping and praying that I'll get pregnant and then be crushed every single time I'm not. I can't. I feel like I might die emotionally. It's too much to deal with, and then to have to help lift 30 others on a daily basis.



I don't know if any of this makes sense, and I highly doubt anyone will read this, let alone comment, since this blog is pretty much dead. But I just need to get it out.

I don't care how it sounds. For now, I'm going to teach like I'll never get pregnant.