Alright, so since I finished Garnet, I'm going to write about different stories I'm working on.
I will start out with a quick Garnet update, though. I sent a copy (via email) to Dorrance Publishing, which is a self-publishing thing, but it would have cost me 10k to get it done, so that idea went out the window. So, I'm currently waiting on a response from another publishing place. They compare themselves to a "boutique", so I don't know what to expect. They said they were interested in reading my story and perhaps publishing it, but I don't know yet. It would be super exciting if they did! But I just have to wait and see.
Anyways, I've got two stories I'm working on. One which I started back in 8th grade, and one that I started like a month ago. The older one I've called "Sorceress of Sentien". I've got an outline and small scenes here and there, but I haven't been able to mesh it together, so it's kind of stalled.
The more recent story I have started I'm calling "Confessions of a Draculaholic". It's about a girl that lives in today's time, and after a car accident, gets sent back into the story of Dracula. I won't say anything else because A) I haven't written it yet, and B) I don't want to spoil anything.
So anyways, there's my story update for now. As I write more, I'll update. I'm super excited for my writing. ^_^
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Since my friends are doing it..... Part 3
Alright, Here is the third (and hopefully finally part.) Did I really say it was boring? Cuz I was sooooooo wrong. XD Or I just have too much fun writing. XD
Anyways..... Graduation. WAIT. I forgot to write about something in my previous post. XD Alright, quickly: So, it was AP testing. We were doing, I think the English or Government AP test, and we finished, so a group of us went to my house where we hung out during lunch. (We had more than an hour, so it was doable for once. lol) So, there was James, me, Kayde, Andrew and a few others (sorry I don't remember who) and we had eaten lunch and were just sitting in the living room, relaxing after the test. Somehow we found these bunny and velcro catchers from Easter in the room, so we started chucking them at each other, and it was way fun. ^_^
Alright..... back to Graduation.
So, we did the whole graduation thing (if I had had a phone, you better believe I would have been texting the entire time. It was SOOOOOOO boring.) Anyways, we all got our diplomas and threw our hats in the air and were happy to be done. So, I go to find people I knew while I waited for my family to get on the field. James was the first person I found, and we tried to find other people that we knew. He ran into his family, and while he talked with them for a minute, I got up on one of the chairs to look for my family. He came and stood next to me, and I believe his mom got a picture of me, for once, being taller than him. lol I don't have the picture, but hopefully when he gets back I can get a copy of some of the pics his family took at graduation. lol Then we found Kayde and Noelle and chatted until we found my family. My mom wanted to get pics of us, so we did. We did a "Charlie's Angels" pose. XD It was great.
James has a super funny face in that pic. XD So then Kayde and Noelle went to mingle, and James was getting ready to go, so we hugged. And my mom saw it. I know she did, because she was like, "Wait!" after we had already finished the hug. She said she wanted "evidence". XD My mom is silly. lol Anyways, it wasn't as good of a hug for the picture. But here it is:
That picture looks so awkward. lol W/e.
So, I went home and finished the day. The next day was my Graduation party. Woohoo! Friends and family! I got a lot of presents. This laptop that I'm writing on is one of them. ^_^ Although, I'm kinda bummed about my stupid laptop. ¬.¬ I will write about that later, though.
Anyways, so everyone starts showing up. James, Andrew, and Kayde were the friends that showed up. We had Panda Express. It's kind of embarrassing, but James comes in, and my mom asks him to get something from a high shelf in the cupboard. Anyways, we get to opening presents, and I'm just being silly. Anyways, we totally finish the activities, and then my extended family starts to leave, until it's just me and my friends and immediate family. We took lots of pics. XD Just silly ones figuring out the whole "mac" thing. James and I definitely flirted. (Ask Kayde. lol) I don't remember particulars, but I was just being silly like always. XD Finally my friends started leaving. James was the last to go. And that was the end of the party.
The next day was Andrew's and Kayde's parties. I went to both. ^_^ Andrew's was first. I got there, and it was me, Andrew, and his family. James was the next to show up. I texted Kayde telling her it was just the three of us and Andrew's family. This was Kayde's reply. “Well start flirting be there soon.” So that was fun. Kayde and I left early because we had her party, which I thoroughly enjoyed.
So James and I spent the summer emailing. When he got his call in June, he called me. ^_^ I remember it was a Thursday. I wasn't expecting a call, so I was shocked, but super happy. I went to his farewell talk. He did a wonderful job. It was kind of awkward after the sacrament meeting was over, though, because I didn't know if I was allowed to hug him or not. So, I had to settle for a handshake.
It's been tough since he left. I'm not going to lie. He's one of the best friends I have, and it's lasted far longer than any other friendship. I miss him, but I know he's doing the Lord's work, and the Lord is pleased with him. Letters are as good of communication as I've gotten with him. And the fact that he wasn't a big writer means that when I did get letters, I'm so much more excited for them.
I'm so proud of him for choosing to serve the Lord and sacrifice his time to serve. He's a great person and a good friend. I'm grateful that I have him as a friend.
Thanks for reading my 3 part story. lol Time flies, and missionaries come home before you know it. :) Just hang in there. If you do what the Lord wants, no matter how hard it is, or how it goes against what you want, everything will work out for the best. And I just try to keep that in mind. It really helps.
Love ya all!
Anyways..... Graduation. WAIT. I forgot to write about something in my previous post. XD Alright, quickly: So, it was AP testing. We were doing, I think the English or Government AP test, and we finished, so a group of us went to my house where we hung out during lunch. (We had more than an hour, so it was doable for once. lol) So, there was James, me, Kayde, Andrew and a few others (sorry I don't remember who) and we had eaten lunch and were just sitting in the living room, relaxing after the test. Somehow we found these bunny and velcro catchers from Easter in the room, so we started chucking them at each other, and it was way fun. ^_^
Alright..... back to Graduation.
So, we did the whole graduation thing (if I had had a phone, you better believe I would have been texting the entire time. It was SOOOOOOO boring.) Anyways, we all got our diplomas and threw our hats in the air and were happy to be done. So, I go to find people I knew while I waited for my family to get on the field. James was the first person I found, and we tried to find other people that we knew. He ran into his family, and while he talked with them for a minute, I got up on one of the chairs to look for my family. He came and stood next to me, and I believe his mom got a picture of me, for once, being taller than him. lol I don't have the picture, but hopefully when he gets back I can get a copy of some of the pics his family took at graduation. lol Then we found Kayde and Noelle and chatted until we found my family. My mom wanted to get pics of us, so we did. We did a "Charlie's Angels" pose. XD It was great.
James has a super funny face in that pic. XD So then Kayde and Noelle went to mingle, and James was getting ready to go, so we hugged. And my mom saw it. I know she did, because she was like, "Wait!" after we had already finished the hug. She said she wanted "evidence". XD My mom is silly. lol Anyways, it wasn't as good of a hug for the picture. But here it is:
That picture looks so awkward. lol W/e.So, I went home and finished the day. The next day was my Graduation party. Woohoo! Friends and family! I got a lot of presents. This laptop that I'm writing on is one of them. ^_^ Although, I'm kinda bummed about my stupid laptop. ¬.¬ I will write about that later, though.
Anyways, so everyone starts showing up. James, Andrew, and Kayde were the friends that showed up. We had Panda Express. It's kind of embarrassing, but James comes in, and my mom asks him to get something from a high shelf in the cupboard. Anyways, we get to opening presents, and I'm just being silly. Anyways, we totally finish the activities, and then my extended family starts to leave, until it's just me and my friends and immediate family. We took lots of pics. XD Just silly ones figuring out the whole "mac" thing. James and I definitely flirted. (Ask Kayde. lol) I don't remember particulars, but I was just being silly like always. XD Finally my friends started leaving. James was the last to go. And that was the end of the party.
The next day was Andrew's and Kayde's parties. I went to both. ^_^ Andrew's was first. I got there, and it was me, Andrew, and his family. James was the next to show up. I texted Kayde telling her it was just the three of us and Andrew's family. This was Kayde's reply. “Well start flirting be there soon.” So that was fun. Kayde and I left early because we had her party, which I thoroughly enjoyed.
So James and I spent the summer emailing. When he got his call in June, he called me. ^_^ I remember it was a Thursday. I wasn't expecting a call, so I was shocked, but super happy. I went to his farewell talk. He did a wonderful job. It was kind of awkward after the sacrament meeting was over, though, because I didn't know if I was allowed to hug him or not. So, I had to settle for a handshake.
It's been tough since he left. I'm not going to lie. He's one of the best friends I have, and it's lasted far longer than any other friendship. I miss him, but I know he's doing the Lord's work, and the Lord is pleased with him. Letters are as good of communication as I've gotten with him. And the fact that he wasn't a big writer means that when I did get letters, I'm so much more excited for them.
I'm so proud of him for choosing to serve the Lord and sacrifice his time to serve. He's a great person and a good friend. I'm grateful that I have him as a friend.
Thanks for reading my 3 part story. lol Time flies, and missionaries come home before you know it. :) Just hang in there. If you do what the Lord wants, no matter how hard it is, or how it goes against what you want, everything will work out for the best. And I just try to keep that in mind. It really helps.
Love ya all!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Since my friends are doing it..... Part 2
Alright, here's part two. I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far. And heck ya I'm silly. :P
Anyways..... where did I leave off?..... *looks back at previous novel* Oh, right. I finished with Homecoming. I did have fun, but only when we weren't at the dance. So that was Fall of 2006. Let's see..... Winter Formal, I thought about asking him again, but someone else beat me to it. I was pretty bummed. So, I asked Andrew instead. (This was before Andrew and Ali.) We had fun, and it was pretty nice. He's a great guy. (Ali, "I give you leave to like him." <--- name that quote ;D)
I noticed as the year went on, that I went more and more out of my way to see James, and when I didn't see him between classes, I was really bummed. Senior year was interesting. The first semester, I had an A-hour class, but second semester I didn't, so i sat in the hallways before classes started. Anyways.... I had a few days that I just couldn't help crying. (Depression, it's a horrible thing, I swear. There's no control.) But really, there was nothing that I could do to stop crying some days. And I always felt bad when I knew I would see James between a class. He was awesome, though. Just looking at him, I really did feel happier, and it only made it better when he actually tried to make me smile. I smiled so much easier around him.
So, then there was Winter/Christmas Break, and my family spent those 2 weeks in New Zealand. (Stupid flight made us come back a day later than I wanted to be. :S We all missed the first day of school. :( ) Anyways, the second and final semester began.
I don't really remember much, besides a few little things I did. Two that pop into my head from early in the semester are opposites. One made me super happy, and the other was.... let's just say the total opposite. I'll start with the bad, because I like ending on a happy note. It was just one of those days that everything seemed to go wrong. I don't think I saw James at all that day, but what really hurt was that Kayde told me to leave her alone, which I did, and I spent lunch alone that day. (Usually we talked about lunch, etc., before hand, but she avoided me all day.) So, I got to 4th hour Pruitt's class and Kayde decided to be friendly again, which I wouldn't have minded had it been a regular day, but I hadn't eaten lunch, I felt abandoned, and I was kinda ticked. (I didn't know I was ticked until what happened next..... And yes, this IS a tangent. :P I write things down as I remember them.) So, when Kayde said hey and tried to stop me before I got to Pruitt's class (Rm 417. XD), I totally blew up. Now we laugh about it and say that it's the only time anyone's ever seen me really ticked off. I don't even remember what I said, only that I cried throughout class after yelling at her. :S
Okay..... happy thing now. ^_^ Super Happy! lol So, it was Valentines' Day, and they put peoples' names up in the hallway, so I went looking for mine, and happened to see James', so I was surprised when it just "happened" to find a way into my hand with a few other hearts with different sayings on them. lol I didn't tell him about it until after his Calc class, right before my lunch, one day afterwards, and he was like "Oh, that's where it went." I'm sure I blushed. But then what he told me made me so happy. He told me he kept the flower from our Winter Formal in sophomore year. ^_^ *blushes with happiness* So, that was happy.
Also, Senior year, I was involved in Drama. LOVED IT!!!! Best time of my life, really. So, I was in a few plays. I remember my first (and really only play) that I played a major role in. DRACULA!!!!!! Anyways, I loved it, besides the fact I went from playing someone with the same personality as me, to someone that was like total opposite. So that was hard. But I had fun wearing my.... subsitute costume all day on opening night. I got to lay down in Pruitt's class because it was a corset-type dress and I couldn't breathe. So, anyways, it's opening night, and the show goes alright. (I still get embarrassed when I think about my screaming and acting.... seductive.) I didn't realize until the curtain call that James was sitting in the third row. :O (I get super embarrassed when I remember that he saw me perform.) But I thought it very sweet that he had come. ^_^ It made me happy. I was still in my "wedding dress" costume, and he and I sat outside the drama room just talking for between half an hour and 45 minutes. Then he had to leave to prepare for a fathers and sons outing.
Okay, that weekend was seriously my FAVORITE weekend ever! ^_^ Well, the entire week was good, actually. Wednesday night for mutual (before Dracula) we had a laurel/priest activity and he and I hung out and talked some more. The week culminated in Prom.... And guess what, it was with James! Best day ever when I found out he asked me. ^_^ Alright, second best day. Best day was prom. He asked my by leaving a can of pears asking if I would ap"pear" at prom with him. I replied with a jar of peaches saying it'd be "peachy" to go with him. I thought I wasn't going to get asked, but I was so happy when I did get asked. ^_^ Our day activity was rock climbing. After the dance, where we spent most of the dance in line for pictures, we rode in the limo back to where the boys left their cars. I spent a little bit with my head on his shoulder. After the limo ride, we all got pictures as dates next to the limo.
I had put my arm behind his waist and he had put his arm on my shoulder, as pictured above. But what he did surprised me, and I've told very few people about it. (We didn't start out as close as the picture shows.) He pulled me closer right before they snapped the picture. And our door scene was so much better than Winter Formal. He hugged me. Twice. And one of the times, he hugged me and then picked me up like that, still hugging me. *blush* Best night of my life.
Graduation was another really fun night. ^_^ And my party! Gah! If I keep talking, I'm going to have another novel. So...... what I'm going to do, is I'm going to leave off here, and you all can wait for part three, coming tomorrow. :P
I've decided, that's what I'm going to do. ^_^ Stay tuned for part three.
Anyways..... where did I leave off?..... *looks back at previous novel* Oh, right. I finished with Homecoming. I did have fun, but only when we weren't at the dance. So that was Fall of 2006. Let's see..... Winter Formal, I thought about asking him again, but someone else beat me to it. I was pretty bummed. So, I asked Andrew instead. (This was before Andrew and Ali.) We had fun, and it was pretty nice. He's a great guy. (Ali, "I give you leave to like him." <--- name that quote ;D)
I noticed as the year went on, that I went more and more out of my way to see James, and when I didn't see him between classes, I was really bummed. Senior year was interesting. The first semester, I had an A-hour class, but second semester I didn't, so i sat in the hallways before classes started. Anyways.... I had a few days that I just couldn't help crying. (Depression, it's a horrible thing, I swear. There's no control.) But really, there was nothing that I could do to stop crying some days. And I always felt bad when I knew I would see James between a class. He was awesome, though. Just looking at him, I really did feel happier, and it only made it better when he actually tried to make me smile. I smiled so much easier around him.
So, then there was Winter/Christmas Break, and my family spent those 2 weeks in New Zealand. (Stupid flight made us come back a day later than I wanted to be. :S We all missed the first day of school. :( ) Anyways, the second and final semester began.
I don't really remember much, besides a few little things I did. Two that pop into my head from early in the semester are opposites. One made me super happy, and the other was.... let's just say the total opposite. I'll start with the bad, because I like ending on a happy note. It was just one of those days that everything seemed to go wrong. I don't think I saw James at all that day, but what really hurt was that Kayde told me to leave her alone, which I did, and I spent lunch alone that day. (Usually we talked about lunch, etc., before hand, but she avoided me all day.) So, I got to 4th hour Pruitt's class and Kayde decided to be friendly again, which I wouldn't have minded had it been a regular day, but I hadn't eaten lunch, I felt abandoned, and I was kinda ticked. (I didn't know I was ticked until what happened next..... And yes, this IS a tangent. :P I write things down as I remember them.) So, when Kayde said hey and tried to stop me before I got to Pruitt's class (Rm 417. XD), I totally blew up. Now we laugh about it and say that it's the only time anyone's ever seen me really ticked off. I don't even remember what I said, only that I cried throughout class after yelling at her. :S
Okay..... happy thing now. ^_^ Super Happy! lol So, it was Valentines' Day, and they put peoples' names up in the hallway, so I went looking for mine, and happened to see James', so I was surprised when it just "happened" to find a way into my hand with a few other hearts with different sayings on them. lol I didn't tell him about it until after his Calc class, right before my lunch, one day afterwards, and he was like "Oh, that's where it went." I'm sure I blushed. But then what he told me made me so happy. He told me he kept the flower from our Winter Formal in sophomore year. ^_^ *blushes with happiness* So, that was happy.
Also, Senior year, I was involved in Drama. LOVED IT!!!! Best time of my life, really. So, I was in a few plays. I remember my first (and really only play) that I played a major role in. DRACULA!!!!!! Anyways, I loved it, besides the fact I went from playing someone with the same personality as me, to someone that was like total opposite. So that was hard. But I had fun wearing my.... subsitute costume all day on opening night. I got to lay down in Pruitt's class because it was a corset-type dress and I couldn't breathe. So, anyways, it's opening night, and the show goes alright. (I still get embarrassed when I think about my screaming and acting.... seductive.) I didn't realize until the curtain call that James was sitting in the third row. :O (I get super embarrassed when I remember that he saw me perform.) But I thought it very sweet that he had come. ^_^ It made me happy. I was still in my "wedding dress" costume, and he and I sat outside the drama room just talking for between half an hour and 45 minutes. Then he had to leave to prepare for a fathers and sons outing.
Okay, that weekend was seriously my FAVORITE weekend ever! ^_^ Well, the entire week was good, actually. Wednesday night for mutual (before Dracula) we had a laurel/priest activity and he and I hung out and talked some more. The week culminated in Prom.... And guess what, it was with James! Best day ever when I found out he asked me. ^_^ Alright, second best day. Best day was prom. He asked my by leaving a can of pears asking if I would ap"pear" at prom with him. I replied with a jar of peaches saying it'd be "peachy" to go with him. I thought I wasn't going to get asked, but I was so happy when I did get asked. ^_^ Our day activity was rock climbing. After the dance, where we spent most of the dance in line for pictures, we rode in the limo back to where the boys left their cars. I spent a little bit with my head on his shoulder. After the limo ride, we all got pictures as dates next to the limo.
I had put my arm behind his waist and he had put his arm on my shoulder, as pictured above. But what he did surprised me, and I've told very few people about it. (We didn't start out as close as the picture shows.) He pulled me closer right before they snapped the picture. And our door scene was so much better than Winter Formal. He hugged me. Twice. And one of the times, he hugged me and then picked me up like that, still hugging me. *blush* Best night of my life.Graduation was another really fun night. ^_^ And my party! Gah! If I keep talking, I'm going to have another novel. So...... what I'm going to do, is I'm going to leave off here, and you all can wait for part three, coming tomorrow. :P
I've decided, that's what I'm going to do. ^_^ Stay tuned for part three.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Since my friends are doing it..... Part 1
Alright, recently Ali and Kaye did blogs on their missionaries coming up on/reaching the year mark. I'm a little late for that. XD So I'm doing a "120 ish days left" post. XD (If he gets back the 15th of October, it's exactly 120 days from today. XD) Anyways, here's my story of how I met a certain someone. (Not super exciting, but w/e. lol)
My schooling was different from most. In other words, most people go to Mountain View after going to Stapley. I went to Westwood instead, because I was in their boundary, and I was raised a WW fan. (Andrew, Ali's missionary, did the same thing, so I knew like 2 or 3 people when I got to Westwood.) Anyways, I took Spanish 2 in room 417. I knew one person in the class, who also went to Stapley. So I went through most of the first semester just getting to know other people. My Spanish class really got to having fun, because the teacher, Mr. Barrett (I believe), would just disappear randomly, trusting us to behave. I don't remember exactly how James and I started talking, but we did. I do remember him making a funny looking mouth thing out of a newsletter thing, and then giving it to me. (*blush* I still have it in a box somewhere.)
It was getting to be December of 2004 and I was coming up on turning 16. Because it was high school, there were high school dances, and I was turning 16 the day before Winter Formal sophomore year, and it was perfect. I asked my carpool if I should go to Winter Formal, and I got a yes, so I thought about who to ask. I only come up with one name of someone I knew that was 16, but I asked Natalie in my carpool who I should ask, just for some advice/help because it was my first year, it would be my first date, and my first dance. Her suggestion, matched my own thoughts about who I wanted to take. That was James Vaterlaus, the tall, super nice, funny LDS boy in my Spanish class.
My sophomore year was hard. I got my patriarchal blessing that convinced me to stop being friends with the nonmembers I knew from junior high, so I was on my own. Since it was open campus then, James invited me to go to lunch with them once. It was kinda fun, but I still felt left out. (The walk to and from the house they went to was probably the best part, because I'm sure I was being silly.) I'm sure now that I had (and occasionally still have) depression. I hung out at the seminary building most of the time, playing piano in Bro. Gurr's classroom or reading. Anyways..... tangent.... sorry. *embarrassed* lol
So I asked him to Winter Formal. (I remember how as I'm typing this. XD) So I was cheap, and it was my first time doing anything, so it was pitiful. For Christmas, me and my sisters had gotten little metal bucket things with lids (dunno for what *shrug*, so I put some candy in it and said something like "I'd be a bucket full of joy if you would go to Winter Formal with me." Cheesy, yes, but w/e. lol Natalie put it on his desk in one of his classes, and then I had the wait. (That horrible waiting part. lol) I didn't have to worry about him saying no, though. He said yes, but by giving me an emptied out green bean can with an "I" on the outside and candy inside. ("I can" in case you didn't get it. :P)
Anyways, after a very interesting.... and somewhat embarrassing day activity, I went to get dolled up and then my mom chauffered me to pick him up and then to my aunt's house for the dinner. That was fun, because my aunt loves photography, so she enjoyed taking pictures of us. Ours turned out interesting, because I can't help but laugh most of the time.
At the dance, even when we were just talking we were having fun. (I was soooooo random. XD) The center pieces were rose petals and candles, so I stuck a rose petal between the outside of the glass and the decorative ribbon, "wondering" if it would spontaneously combust. Then he, my cousin's date and I started attempting to actually light the rosese on fire IN the flame. Alright, now skip to the door scene, I got a handshake. Lovely, right? Well, it was our first date and we were each others' first date. What do you expect?
Fast forward through Junior year and Tolman's class, which at least one semester he and I were in the same class. We both were in the Multi-Stake Dance Festival thing in 2005. (Don't remember what it was called. lol) So we saw each other pretty regularly in school and at Stake-wide church functions.
Now is where I get honest. See, before Senior year, he was one friend that I'd had since sophomore year, and before Senior year I wasn't really at all interested in guys. (Okay, technically me liking guys started on or just before our Stake Trek the summer (2006) before Senior year, but w/e. That whole thing gets complicated.) Andrew, being in my company, was like my brother on the trek. No, we weren't in the same family, but he was my only real friend. I wasn't lying earlier when I said I'm pretty sure I had depression. Being on the trek wasn't much different, but it was guy trouble that started the depression for at least one of the three days. I was starting to like someone that was not the best or right person for me. So Andrew was a shoulder to cry on when I felt bad on the trek because of the way I was being treated by what seemed like everyone. (I'm sure my "family" didn't like that I didn't help because I always fell behind the entire company when I did. I felt useless. Instead, Andrew and I were the front of our company, trying to keep ahead of everyone.) Anyways, James was in a different company, so I hardly got to see him...... *embarrassed again* Sorry another tangent. I swear I'm getting to the point, though. :P
Alright, so Senior year arrived. My classes were under way, I had friends (and some that weren't boys! Yay! lol Kudos to Ali, Kayde, and Noelle and everyone else for putting up with my weirdness.) Homecoming came around. That's when I noticed for really the first time that I really actually LIKED James, and I wanted him to ask me to homecoming. As in, really really liked him. For the past two years, he had shown that he was a true friend to me when I felt down, so I counted him as real friend, and I guess it progressed. I got asked to homecoming, but by someone else. That dance was agony. I felt terrible for my date, because my heart and mind were totally elsewhere. That's when I admitted to myself that I liked him, and definitely more than a friend.......
Alright, that's all I'm going to write for tonight. :P You guys have a novel to read. I don't know why I'm writing all of this, but I am, so be happy. lol I'll finish up high school and up to the point where he left on his mission either tomorrow or Friday. (Perhaps I'll even go to where I am now. XD Probably because for once, I feel like I have something to really write about.)
My schooling was different from most. In other words, most people go to Mountain View after going to Stapley. I went to Westwood instead, because I was in their boundary, and I was raised a WW fan. (Andrew, Ali's missionary, did the same thing, so I knew like 2 or 3 people when I got to Westwood.) Anyways, I took Spanish 2 in room 417. I knew one person in the class, who also went to Stapley. So I went through most of the first semester just getting to know other people. My Spanish class really got to having fun, because the teacher, Mr. Barrett (I believe), would just disappear randomly, trusting us to behave. I don't remember exactly how James and I started talking, but we did. I do remember him making a funny looking mouth thing out of a newsletter thing, and then giving it to me. (*blush* I still have it in a box somewhere.)
It was getting to be December of 2004 and I was coming up on turning 16. Because it was high school, there were high school dances, and I was turning 16 the day before Winter Formal sophomore year, and it was perfect. I asked my carpool if I should go to Winter Formal, and I got a yes, so I thought about who to ask. I only come up with one name of someone I knew that was 16, but I asked Natalie in my carpool who I should ask, just for some advice/help because it was my first year, it would be my first date, and my first dance. Her suggestion, matched my own thoughts about who I wanted to take. That was James Vaterlaus, the tall, super nice, funny LDS boy in my Spanish class.
My sophomore year was hard. I got my patriarchal blessing that convinced me to stop being friends with the nonmembers I knew from junior high, so I was on my own. Since it was open campus then, James invited me to go to lunch with them once. It was kinda fun, but I still felt left out. (The walk to and from the house they went to was probably the best part, because I'm sure I was being silly.) I'm sure now that I had (and occasionally still have) depression. I hung out at the seminary building most of the time, playing piano in Bro. Gurr's classroom or reading. Anyways..... tangent.... sorry. *embarrassed* lol
So I asked him to Winter Formal. (I remember how as I'm typing this. XD) So I was cheap, and it was my first time doing anything, so it was pitiful. For Christmas, me and my sisters had gotten little metal bucket things with lids (dunno for what *shrug*, so I put some candy in it and said something like "I'd be a bucket full of joy if you would go to Winter Formal with me." Cheesy, yes, but w/e. lol Natalie put it on his desk in one of his classes, and then I had the wait. (That horrible waiting part. lol) I didn't have to worry about him saying no, though. He said yes, but by giving me an emptied out green bean can with an "I" on the outside and candy inside. ("I can" in case you didn't get it. :P)
Anyways, after a very interesting.... and somewhat embarrassing day activity, I went to get dolled up and then my mom chauffered me to pick him up and then to my aunt's house for the dinner. That was fun, because my aunt loves photography, so she enjoyed taking pictures of us. Ours turned out interesting, because I can't help but laugh most of the time.
At the dance, even when we were just talking we were having fun. (I was soooooo random. XD) The center pieces were rose petals and candles, so I stuck a rose petal between the outside of the glass and the decorative ribbon, "wondering" if it would spontaneously combust. Then he, my cousin's date and I started attempting to actually light the rosese on fire IN the flame. Alright, now skip to the door scene, I got a handshake. Lovely, right? Well, it was our first date and we were each others' first date. What do you expect?
Fast forward through Junior year and Tolman's class, which at least one semester he and I were in the same class. We both were in the Multi-Stake Dance Festival thing in 2005. (Don't remember what it was called. lol) So we saw each other pretty regularly in school and at Stake-wide church functions.
Now is where I get honest. See, before Senior year, he was one friend that I'd had since sophomore year, and before Senior year I wasn't really at all interested in guys. (Okay, technically me liking guys started on or just before our Stake Trek the summer (2006) before Senior year, but w/e. That whole thing gets complicated.) Andrew, being in my company, was like my brother on the trek. No, we weren't in the same family, but he was my only real friend. I wasn't lying earlier when I said I'm pretty sure I had depression. Being on the trek wasn't much different, but it was guy trouble that started the depression for at least one of the three days. I was starting to like someone that was not the best or right person for me. So Andrew was a shoulder to cry on when I felt bad on the trek because of the way I was being treated by what seemed like everyone. (I'm sure my "family" didn't like that I didn't help because I always fell behind the entire company when I did. I felt useless. Instead, Andrew and I were the front of our company, trying to keep ahead of everyone.) Anyways, James was in a different company, so I hardly got to see him...... *embarrassed again* Sorry another tangent. I swear I'm getting to the point, though. :P
Alright, so Senior year arrived. My classes were under way, I had friends (and some that weren't boys! Yay! lol Kudos to Ali, Kayde, and Noelle and everyone else for putting up with my weirdness.) Homecoming came around. That's when I noticed for really the first time that I really actually LIKED James, and I wanted him to ask me to homecoming. As in, really really liked him. For the past two years, he had shown that he was a true friend to me when I felt down, so I counted him as real friend, and I guess it progressed. I got asked to homecoming, but by someone else. That dance was agony. I felt terrible for my date, because my heart and mind were totally elsewhere. That's when I admitted to myself that I liked him, and definitely more than a friend.......
Alright, that's all I'm going to write for tonight. :P You guys have a novel to read. I don't know why I'm writing all of this, but I am, so be happy. lol I'll finish up high school and up to the point where he left on his mission either tomorrow or Friday. (Perhaps I'll even go to where I am now. XD Probably because for once, I feel like I have something to really write about.)
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Theme Song
Alright, I've been doing "well" at keeping updated lately. Dunno why I blog, since it seems like no one reads it. But w/e. It's a good outlet for me to just think about things, whether people read it or not.
Hopefully I can have a quick blog about our family vacation written in the next day or two.
My topic for the day is about Carrie Underwood's song "So Small". It's an amazing song, and looking back in hindsight, it's pretty appropriate for what I went through this past week, what with the emotions and everything. So, here's the lyrics:
What you got if you ain't got love
the kind that you just want to give away
its okay to open up
go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
you want to shut the world out and just be left alone
but don't run out on your faith
'cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
is just a grain of sand
and what you've been up there searching for forever
is in your hands
when you figure out love is all that matters after all
it sure makes everything else seem so small
it's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river thats so wide
it swallows you whole
while you siting 'round thinking 'bout what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause you cant get it back
sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
is just a grain of sand
and what you've been up there searching for forever
is in your hands
oh when you figure out love is all that matters after all
it sure makes everything else seem so small
sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
is just a grain of sand
and what you've been up there searching for forever
is in your hands
oh when you figure out love is all that matters after all
it sure makes everything else...
oh it sure makes everything else seem so small.
----------------
Now playing: Carrie Underwood - So Small
via FoxyTunes
Hopefully I can have a quick blog about our family vacation written in the next day or two.
My topic for the day is about Carrie Underwood's song "So Small". It's an amazing song, and looking back in hindsight, it's pretty appropriate for what I went through this past week, what with the emotions and everything. So, here's the lyrics:
What you got if you ain't got love
the kind that you just want to give away
its okay to open up
go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
you want to shut the world out and just be left alone
but don't run out on your faith
'cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
is just a grain of sand
and what you've been up there searching for forever
is in your hands
when you figure out love is all that matters after all
it sure makes everything else seem so small
it's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river thats so wide
it swallows you whole
while you siting 'round thinking 'bout what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause you cant get it back
sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
is just a grain of sand
and what you've been up there searching for forever
is in your hands
oh when you figure out love is all that matters after all
it sure makes everything else seem so small
sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
is just a grain of sand
and what you've been up there searching for forever
is in your hands
oh when you figure out love is all that matters after all
it sure makes everything else...
oh it sure makes everything else seem so small.
----------------
Now playing: Carrie Underwood - So Small
via FoxyTunes
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Friend?
I'm deciding to write a short spiel on what a friend is to me. I feel I need something a little happier after that last post.
But before I start my little "friend" rant, I need to clarify something that I wrote in the spur of the moment, and it makes a big difference to the meaning of my last post. When I said I felt like I had no friends, I forgot to add the stipulation "my age." It seems like I have no friends my age. They're either older than me, or younger than me.
Anyways, here begins the spiel:
Friend, according to dictionary.com is:
–noun
Alright, that's the dictionary definition. My definition of friend is linked to the first one, but so much deeper. So, I'm going to use the words "friend" and "real friend" to clarify the two different uses I have for the word "friends".
A friend can be someone that's in my group of "friends" on facebook. In reality, most of them are acquaintances. That is more like the 3rd definition.
When I say friend, usually it's just someone that I like and am friendly with. For years, I refused to call people friends unless I knew they were a real friend. With facebook, I've become more lax, with the constant use of the word friend. So, I do have friends under that definition. I have lots and lots of friends. I have work friends, school friends, even church friends under that definition.
For the past few days, I haven't really felt the lack of friends, especially not at work. (Kudos to you ladies! You rock!) What I've felt is a lack of real friends. Real friends, to me, are the ones you do everything with. They can tell when you're down and they want to do anything they can to help. They're the ones you can do whatever and have a blast with, even just talking. And I've never had any that followed this, but I (at least used to) think that they had to be my age. I've never really had any friends like that. I've had some really good friends, but only one or two really good real friends.
I suppose this post isn't much happier than the last one, but I feel a bit happier. And I feel better having explained what I meant in my last post. I try to live one day at a time. Some days it's hard, but sometimes all anyone can do is survive and wait for the sun to come out again.
D & C 6:36 - "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not." All I can do is trust on the Lord and know he'll help me through it.
EDIT: I was just thinking, and I do have lots of real friends. No, I don't feel like I have any real ones my age, still, but I have so many other real friends. Debbie, Mary, Patience, and so many others at work listen to me, and talk to me about tips and things for life. They're like my family away from home. And today, they said I'd become part of the family. And at church, there are a few people that I can call real friends, even though there's an age difference. Marie and Sis. Lundahl, whom I'm allowed to call Ali, but will always be Sis. Lundahl to me. XD And Theresa from my block one classes from school. Whenever I was stressed about class, she'd always give me uplifting thoughts and help me feel like I can accomplish the task at hand. And also the Chesley's, another set of grandparents I gained, treat me like I'm their own family.
I guess I just have my perspective wrong. Friends don't have to be the same age to mean just as much, if not more. What a blessing the people around us are. To any of you that read this, just think about all the people that mean something to you. You'd be surprised how many you can name that are your friends. REAL friends.
But before I start my little "friend" rant, I need to clarify something that I wrote in the spur of the moment, and it makes a big difference to the meaning of my last post. When I said I felt like I had no friends, I forgot to add the stipulation "my age." It seems like I have no friends my age. They're either older than me, or younger than me.
Anyways, here begins the spiel:
Friend, according to dictionary.com is:
–noun
| 1. | a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. |
| 2. | a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony. |
| 3. | a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe? |
| 4. | a member of the same nation, party, etc. |
| 5. | (initial capital letter ) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker. |
Alright, that's the dictionary definition. My definition of friend is linked to the first one, but so much deeper. So, I'm going to use the words "friend" and "real friend" to clarify the two different uses I have for the word "friends".
A friend can be someone that's in my group of "friends" on facebook. In reality, most of them are acquaintances. That is more like the 3rd definition.
When I say friend, usually it's just someone that I like and am friendly with. For years, I refused to call people friends unless I knew they were a real friend. With facebook, I've become more lax, with the constant use of the word friend. So, I do have friends under that definition. I have lots and lots of friends. I have work friends, school friends, even church friends under that definition.
For the past few days, I haven't really felt the lack of friends, especially not at work. (Kudos to you ladies! You rock!) What I've felt is a lack of real friends. Real friends, to me, are the ones you do everything with. They can tell when you're down and they want to do anything they can to help. They're the ones you can do whatever and have a blast with, even just talking. And I've never had any that followed this, but I (at least used to) think that they had to be my age. I've never really had any friends like that. I've had some really good friends, but only one or two really good real friends.
I suppose this post isn't much happier than the last one, but I feel a bit happier. And I feel better having explained what I meant in my last post. I try to live one day at a time. Some days it's hard, but sometimes all anyone can do is survive and wait for the sun to come out again.
D & C 6:36 - "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not." All I can do is trust on the Lord and know he'll help me through it.
EDIT: I was just thinking, and I do have lots of real friends. No, I don't feel like I have any real ones my age, still, but I have so many other real friends. Debbie, Mary, Patience, and so many others at work listen to me, and talk to me about tips and things for life. They're like my family away from home. And today, they said I'd become part of the family. And at church, there are a few people that I can call real friends, even though there's an age difference. Marie and Sis. Lundahl, whom I'm allowed to call Ali, but will always be Sis. Lundahl to me. XD And Theresa from my block one classes from school. Whenever I was stressed about class, she'd always give me uplifting thoughts and help me feel like I can accomplish the task at hand. And also the Chesley's, another set of grandparents I gained, treat me like I'm their own family.
I guess I just have my perspective wrong. Friends don't have to be the same age to mean just as much, if not more. What a blessing the people around us are. To any of you that read this, just think about all the people that mean something to you. You'd be surprised how many you can name that are your friends. REAL friends.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Depressed
You know, it's strange how life is sometimes. It's a roller coaster. There are ups and downs. And what's even more amazing is how fast those ups and downs come at you. After several weeks of mostly ups, I'll talk about those first, I hit the first little dip. And for me, it was a little tiny bump downwards, But that bump was followed by a succession of little dips in the ride. The beginning of this week was the culmination of the the little dips life threw at me, and all of a sudden it seemed like I was in an abyss. Where I still feel like I am, although I can see a small light showing a little uphill in the roller coaster.
Each little thing starting a week and a half ago brought me up. Friday, May 29th, I got to lead the music at Elder Richard G. Scott's YSA fireside at the ASU Institute building. So, of course, I was second to shake his hand. (I have proof! lol Apparently they turned off the camera to show some info and when they turned it back on, it showed me shaking his hand. ^_^) So YAY! happy thing! Then the next week we left on vacation, and i had a blast. Between the Grand Canyon, shopping, a trip up to the top of snowbowl, and horseback riding, I was on an emotional high. (Although, by the time it was about time for me to come home, my sisters and I were getting tired and were snipping at each other.) Saturday, I felt so glad to be home, Sunday I got to hold Grace in Relief Society, and everything was fine.
But, as we know, what goes up must come down. So then, the little dips downward started, and they got bigger and bigger. Monday after work, I just felt down. I thought it was because I was lonely because Alana was nannying and the rest of the family was out of town.
I found the perfect song for my feelings.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ND2-XCcwzt4
The most appropriate line is "I'm tired of staying at home. I'm bored and all alone. I'm sick of wasting all my time." <--- That's the story of my life.
Then yesterday, I felt like I had no friends. Which I've felt before, nothing new, I can deal with that. Then on top of that, Alana knew I was sad and still turned away from me to help her friend. I cried myself to sleep, feeling worthless, friendless, and hopeless. For a long time, I cried. And I'm still not over it. I feel like I have no friends that will talk to me. No friends that'll start a conversation with me. I thought friends were supposed to hang around and do fun stuff with you. I thought they were supposed to be able to help you up when you feel sad or down. Obviously, I don't have anyone I can call a friend. If I did, maybe they'd have heard my plea for company and helped before I stated it plainly.
Each little thing starting a week and a half ago brought me up. Friday, May 29th, I got to lead the music at Elder Richard G. Scott's YSA fireside at the ASU Institute building. So, of course, I was second to shake his hand. (I have proof! lol Apparently they turned off the camera to show some info and when they turned it back on, it showed me shaking his hand. ^_^) So YAY! happy thing! Then the next week we left on vacation, and i had a blast. Between the Grand Canyon, shopping, a trip up to the top of snowbowl, and horseback riding, I was on an emotional high. (Although, by the time it was about time for me to come home, my sisters and I were getting tired and were snipping at each other.) Saturday, I felt so glad to be home, Sunday I got to hold Grace in Relief Society, and everything was fine.
But, as we know, what goes up must come down. So then, the little dips downward started, and they got bigger and bigger. Monday after work, I just felt down. I thought it was because I was lonely because Alana was nannying and the rest of the family was out of town.
I found the perfect song for my feelings.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ND2-XCcwzt4
The most appropriate line is "I'm tired of staying at home. I'm bored and all alone. I'm sick of wasting all my time." <--- That's the story of my life.
Then yesterday, I felt like I had no friends. Which I've felt before, nothing new, I can deal with that. Then on top of that, Alana knew I was sad and still turned away from me to help her friend. I cried myself to sleep, feeling worthless, friendless, and hopeless. For a long time, I cried. And I'm still not over it. I feel like I have no friends that will talk to me. No friends that'll start a conversation with me. I thought friends were supposed to hang around and do fun stuff with you. I thought they were supposed to be able to help you up when you feel sad or down. Obviously, I don't have anyone I can call a friend. If I did, maybe they'd have heard my plea for company and helped before I stated it plainly.
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