The Whistle... instructions necessary?

Alright, so that's kind of what the whistle looks like.

At our investiture into the elementary education program, each of us students were given a lovely whistle that says "Arizona State University Police" on a sheriff's star looking thing. And with each whistle there were a set of instructions. It was put together by the American Whistle corporation. It's called a "Personal Safety Whistle."

Anyways, here are the instructions..... (with comments in parentheses)


How to use your American Defender (TM) Personal Safety Whistle:


If you are accosted on the street:
1. Blow the whistle.
2. Call the police as soon as possible.

If you fear trouble on the street:
1. Run toward the middle of the street. (Umm.... Right..... "Hey! I need hel...." *car drives by, hitting person)
2. Blow your whistle. (And that will help.... how?)
3. Call the police. (Shouldn't that be number one?)

If you see trouble on the street:
1. Blow the whistle. (Again, what is the point?)
2. Keep a safe distance. (NOW we're getting somewhere.)
3. Call the police. (Again, should be number 1.)

If you see trouble from your home:
1. Call the police. (YAY!! They got it right!) State the address and nature of trouble.
2. Open a window and blow the whistle. (WHY?)
3. As other whistles blow, go outside, and - keeping a safe distance - continue blowing. (Umm.... So, everyone is supposed to have a whistle?...... Right....)

If you hear a whistle:
1. Call police. Report location and nature of trouble.
2. Blow your whistle.
3. Move carefully toward the first whistle, and - keeping a safe distance - continue blowing. (Still not sure about the everyone having a whistle part.)

Do NOT play policeman. (NO DUH!)
You could easily get hurt. (Ya think?) Police officers are highly trained to do their jobs. Let's help them however we can, while staying out of the way.

Tell kids about your whistle (Because I'm sure they'll listen. Not!)
and about it's application. A whistle, from a child's perspective is a great toy. But its usefulness will be diminished if children blow the whistle at play. (Because whistles are so amazing at keeping us safe?)

Your AMERICAN DEFENDER (TM) Whistle
helps you aid police in deterring or preventing crime in your neighbourhood, (Because everyone has one) and call for help if you're lost (actually helpful for that), sick (um... okay?), or injured (maybe). It's safe, non-violent, and when carried on a keychain, cannot be used as a weapon against you. (Are people hitting other people with their safety whistles? :O Oh dear! That must leave a horrible bruise. [end sarcasm])
The Defender (TM) is shrill (yes), loud (yes), and of very high quality. (It's a whistle! How high quality can it get?) In fact, it's exactly the same whistle we make for the National Fraternal Order of Police. (And we, as school teachers, are going to care?)
The American Defender (TM) can signal your need for help, frighten away someone who means you harm or alert neighbors to call police. (Because I'm SURE everyone knows that that is what a whistle is for. ¬.¬)



Anyways, that's "The Whistle" as I like to call it. I found it amusing that they actually had instructions for a whistle. haha Oh well. I hope you get a few laughs from it as well.